There will always be a constant

A few months ago I decided I needed a change, I decided to do something different. I decided to try and go to PT school. I decided that I'd be leaving what was home for me for 4.5 years and move back to where I'm from. I decided to make that place my home. I decided to go to Bellarmine. I decided to persue something completely different than what I was doing at the time. At times I thought I was crazy, but more than anything I was excited about it. It seemed to fit. Everybody supported me in it, even encouraged me.

I'm here. I'm in school at Bellarmine, I'm in Louisville. I've moved on. I'm scared as hell, I'm doubting myself, and I'm fighting to keep my head above water. I made it a week and am feeling this. Part of me wants to throw in the white towel. Part of me wants to run, far away. The kicker is I'm a fighter, the kicker is I'm not a quitter. I've never been and I never will be, its just not in me to accept failure. I'm gonna bitch, I'm gonna complain, I'm gonna beat myself up, but the thing is I'm gonna keep going no matter how much I don't want to. The only thing that can stop me is the only thing that has kept me going....God.

My friends are amazing, God has blessed me with some of the most incredible people that I don't deserve. For years I prayed for friends like the ones I have now. I got mad when my friends didn't turn out like I expected, but it just goes to prove that God is preparing something better for you. But at the end of the day when the lights are off and I'm all alone the only thing that matters, the only place I find peace is at the feet of my Lord. The only place I find answers, the only place I feel complete comfort is when I'm crying out to Him. Its the only thing that makes sense right now. Knowing that He is my strength, knowing that it'll be okay, knowing that nothing matters as long as I'm living this life for Him.

When everything is changing in my life I panic, I suffer through anxiety, I fight through heartache and doubt but there is always a constant in my life even if I push it away. He will never leave me, He will never forsake me. I'm so thankful for the strength that only God can provide me. I'm so thankful for the fight He is given me. No matter what He'll always my constant.