I have felt lately that I have had to had it all figured out before I opened up. That before I admitted I was struggling or feeling hurt or helpless or used that I had to first fix the problem. Before I could say I was empty or in a dry spell I had to have already fixed it. Truth is I know the way to fix my problems. I know to put trust in God and let Him do his thing. I'm holding strong to things of the world, feeling as they can heal my anxiety. I can't seem to let go or when I do something even stronger pours on. We are called in Hebrews to hid ourselves of all things that entangle us but for some reason we hang out to what can physically, mentally, or emotionally comfort us. We can pray God brings us those in a healthy way or that God would rid us of that desire. But do we pray that because we know it's what we should pray or because we truely desire it?

I know what to do, I know the words to say, and the smile to put on my face but living that would be a lie. I want the comfort God gives and I recieve that in His grace but sometimes my selfish desire wins over. Sometimes my eyes get diverted from the prize. God will never leave us nor forsake us. But why do I constantly run? Why do I try and do it on my own even though I fail miserably every time I try to handle something? Why do I throw it on my shoulders instead of rid myself of it? Why does fear stop me? Why do jealousy and selfishness hinder my heart when really what should be there is Christ? The biggest question is why can I confess to an open blog but to nothing else?