I'm in this weird limbo with life. I'm living in Nashville yet I'm still a student at Western. I don't want to establish myself in Nashville because this part of my life is so temporary. In May my internship will be over and I'll be over moving on to a new part of life. That may be in Nashville then again it may not. During the week I am perfectly content being in Nashville and doing my internship. I like my internship and really feel like that is where I am supposed to be and what I should be doing right now with my life at this exact time. However, when the weekends come everything gets tricky.
I have my apartment still, I am only 45min-1hour away, and that's where my friends are. That is where my church is. That is where my comfort zone is. I feel like I have a right to be there to hang out with my friends, kick back, relax after a long week of work. At the same time I feel like people think and part of me feels like I should just move on with my life. This is where I am and I don't need to be there all the time. Being in Nashville can provide different opportunities and allow me to meet new people but if I'm not the kid to go out to the bar what do I do?
I'm at such a weird point in my life and not many people understand it. I'm in this place where I have so many decisions to make and one is no more right or wrong than the other its just a matter of what I want to do. Some of you may ask if I'm involving God in my decision making process. My answer to you is that I have never prayed so much in my life as I have in the past month. Honestly, I don't think God cares where I am as long as I'm doing what I should be doing. Just like with a career, it doesn't matter what I'm doing where as long as I'm doing everything I can to glorify Him in it.
I may not figure out where I belong in this process. Its frusterating and makes me emotional. It makes my heart ache. It makes me struggle feeling like I don't have my community around me to be there when I fall and skin my knee, to wrap there arms around me and tell me they love me, to encourage me. The question is where do I belong? Nashville? BG? Louisville? Maybe ill hitchhike on 65 and see where the wind blows me....
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
a changing life
Life is constantly changing for humans. I see some of my friends with babies and many changing their lifes in order to fit that lifestyle. I see some of my friends getting married and starting their life with the person they love. Then I see many of my friends in situations like myself. We have done the whole college thing and we are moving on to a new stage or we may be finishing college. It's a scary time in our lifes and we don't know what is next. Through college we have experienced our ups and downs but we somehow still remain together. The bond may weaken only to be strengthened again but it never completely breaks.
With my internship getting ready to start in the matter of a few short days and my life is getting ready to change dramatically I've been thinking. If you know me, you know I don't do change well, you know that I get anxious and try to apply the breaks at about this time. However, my past is starting to assure my future.
This change is no different, I'm scared out of my mind and extremely hesitant yet excited to start this new chapter. I feel like it is part 2 to a book series and I just re-read part 1.
- I think back to when I went to college and the feelings I had and how badly I wanted to be home. I think about how much my life has changed in 3.5 short years. How the people I met year after year changed my life and even in my darkest times they were there to show me that no matter what God prevailed.
- I think back to camp and how it has connected my life to the present. I am living with somebody I worked camp for and without camp I may not be in the position I am in today. I think about how God used that summer to change my life and give me friends that would be there for me for the rest of my life. The people I saw day in and day out and the family I made all over the country. I never got so close to people so quickly and trusted them with my life.
*It also makes life interesting when mom trys to remember where everybody is.
- I think to my study abroad experience and how difficult it was to travel across the world with people I had never met before. However, it was an experience I hold near and dear to my heart, an experience that I want to do all over again.
- I think even back to this summer, a summer that changed my life. A summer that I saw the darkest of dark. A summer that I worked, basically for free, a summer that I lost a few friends, and a hero in my grandfather. A summer where it was me and my decisions. I learned that there are good people amongst us who understand that life gets hard. A college life that I got to experience and learn that it is not my life. As much as I may want that life, it is clearly and thankfully not the life for me. They kept me going and believing that everything would be okay until I found my way back to God.
-As I entered my last semester on a campus and in a classroom at the undergraduate level I was fearful. Many of my friends were gone, graduated. My summer life was not one I wanted to continue and I had no idea what God had in store. Once again God gave me hope, in people, in my education, and most importantly in myself. He provided me people to laugh with, cry with, poke fun with, study with, help, grow with, serve with, and act like a child with. People I believe will be by my side not only for the next stage of my life but forever.
Life has been a series of ups and downs and it always will be. Life is constantly changing but I believe that God is big enough and has enough control that there is nothing he can't handle. He is my strength. As I venture on into my next journey I am sure that I may experience fear, troubles, anxiety, and all kinds of mixed emotions God will be there and get me through one way or another.
To those crazy friends of mine, I thank you for not only reading this but being a piece of my adventure so far. Words could never express how thankful I am for each and every one of you and the present ones to come.
With my internship getting ready to start in the matter of a few short days and my life is getting ready to change dramatically I've been thinking. If you know me, you know I don't do change well, you know that I get anxious and try to apply the breaks at about this time. However, my past is starting to assure my future.
This change is no different, I'm scared out of my mind and extremely hesitant yet excited to start this new chapter. I feel like it is part 2 to a book series and I just re-read part 1.
- I think back to when I went to college and the feelings I had and how badly I wanted to be home. I think about how much my life has changed in 3.5 short years. How the people I met year after year changed my life and even in my darkest times they were there to show me that no matter what God prevailed.
- I think back to camp and how it has connected my life to the present. I am living with somebody I worked camp for and without camp I may not be in the position I am in today. I think about how God used that summer to change my life and give me friends that would be there for me for the rest of my life. The people I saw day in and day out and the family I made all over the country. I never got so close to people so quickly and trusted them with my life.
*It also makes life interesting when mom trys to remember where everybody is.
- I think to my study abroad experience and how difficult it was to travel across the world with people I had never met before. However, it was an experience I hold near and dear to my heart, an experience that I want to do all over again.
- I think even back to this summer, a summer that changed my life. A summer that I saw the darkest of dark. A summer that I worked, basically for free, a summer that I lost a few friends, and a hero in my grandfather. A summer where it was me and my decisions. I learned that there are good people amongst us who understand that life gets hard. A college life that I got to experience and learn that it is not my life. As much as I may want that life, it is clearly and thankfully not the life for me. They kept me going and believing that everything would be okay until I found my way back to God.
-As I entered my last semester on a campus and in a classroom at the undergraduate level I was fearful. Many of my friends were gone, graduated. My summer life was not one I wanted to continue and I had no idea what God had in store. Once again God gave me hope, in people, in my education, and most importantly in myself. He provided me people to laugh with, cry with, poke fun with, study with, help, grow with, serve with, and act like a child with. People I believe will be by my side not only for the next stage of my life but forever.
Life has been a series of ups and downs and it always will be. Life is constantly changing but I believe that God is big enough and has enough control that there is nothing he can't handle. He is my strength. As I venture on into my next journey I am sure that I may experience fear, troubles, anxiety, and all kinds of mixed emotions God will be there and get me through one way or another.
To those crazy friends of mine, I thank you for not only reading this but being a piece of my adventure so far. Words could never express how thankful I am for each and every one of you and the present ones to come.
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