Jesus Chose Me

Today at church we talked about sin. I was reminded of so many things. This past semester has been a struggle for me, coming back to a place I called home after being gone for a semester. Coming back after everyone, including myself had prepared their hearts for something different. I managed to make a career change in school and will now find myself in school for four more years. I noticed what life is like when big changes occur. I kind of felt like I was in a movie where they showed you what life would have been like if something had changed. Needless to say I've been running from God as soon as I stepped back. I wanted to have fun, I wanted to just live. I wanted to do it all for me. I've been running because I was made to believe I was a sinner. Through low self-esteem and a lot of self doubt I wasn't worthy. I've believed that my sins made me unworthy or unwanted to serve God, even undeserving of the friends that have been placed in my life.

I was reminded this morning that we go through ups and downs, life really is a roller coaster. Sometimes we'll be on highs and sometimes we'll be on lows. They may last a day or years but God is God. God has made me into a Saint that sometimes sins instead of a Sinner. My sin is not my identity, my identity is found in Christ. As insecure as I may be at times and as much as I may tare myself down, God is my security and He is there to pick me up.

I've always wanted to do things for me, even though I may say differently. I've always wanted the credit or the satisfaction. Even though everything is made to glorify God. I've always wanted to follow God but not completely rid myself of my sins. I wanted to hang on to the things of this world instead of give it to God so I can purely give back. Honestly, no matter what I experience, may it be things of my past that I no longer remember because God has taken them or things I felt in my heart yesterday, God is the only thing that has ever and will ever bring true joy and happiness into my heart and into my life. I have tried long enough and hard enough to fill that hole in my life but God will never give up the chase. God will always be there when I turn on my knees, when I realize time after time that He really is the only thing worth living for.