fear

That's all it is...fear. What are you scared of? Me?
The Dark, I blame my brother.
being alone.
missing out.
not doing what I should be.
making major mistakes.

I've been going and going and going for awhile, especially this week. As finals have been taken, bags packed up, and even good byes or see ya laters start but this feeling hadn't set it yet. As the day continued and people continued to leave the feeling started to sink in. You know that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach, that feeling like whoa lets throw on the breaks. I'm starting to get that feeling. I get it everytime I go outside of my comfort box. Everytime I step into new area of life. Everytime it turns out great, or at least as a good experience. I can do anything but why do I get that anxious feeling? Why do I get that fear?

I don't like change, I never have but sometimes it has to happen. I can't wait to be settled and have consistency. Yes, college has been that for 3.5 years but the first year was rough and people are always coming and going. I just happen to be the person going this time.
I fear things will change like they always do.
that the relationships I've built are going to change.
I fear being left behind as a distant memory and picture on the wall.
I fear not being there in a time of need.
I fear closing myself off again.

the beauty of growing up

Today it hit. I have just been trying not to think about it. Most people know I am moving to Nashville in a little over a month. I am leaving what has been home for 3.5 years. Today as I was driving I found myself looking around thinking, man everything has become so routine, I forget the beauty of what Bowling Green has brought to me, the joy, the friendships, the heartaches, the memories, the stress, the love, the triumphs. 3.5 years of growing into the person I have become through it all. It hit that I won't be driving these roads every day. It hit that I won't be walking up a hill, that I will no longer look at that red thing in the middle of campus and wonder what it is. I will no longer look into the faces of classmates only to see them a few hours later. I will no longer scrounge around looking for people to play in an intramural game so we don't have to forfeit. I will no longer get distracted from studying for a test.

That chapter in my life is over. These things may continue but in a different form. I'm growing up. I'm entering the real world. I get to see my education pay off. I get to see if I can make it on my own. I get to come back and smile because I know that people are still loving their life. I get to come back and be the person tackled to the ground because I was missed. I get take what I have learned at western and apply it. Most are probably thinking of things in a form of education but I'm thinking of things that are so much more.

My friends have taught me how to fight and how to make up. They have taught me how to grow up yet stay a kid. They have taught me how to trust again.

My whole experience has taught me about a God. A god that is always forgiving, that is always there with open arms, a loving God. Through my struggles, through my downfalls, through my sufferings, through my joys, He is there. He has given me the opportunity to see the world, to experience things, to build friendships, to reach outside of my comfort zone only to comfort me in my fears. To never give up because it really is in God's hands and no one elses, not even my own...especially not my own.

As I go on, I continue to grow. I continue to become the person God intended me to be. I will learn new things, I will find new roads to travel and new things to become familiar with. I make new memories. I will wonder new things. It's time for the chapter to close but the book to continue.