fear

That's all it is...fear. What are you scared of? Me?
The Dark, I blame my brother.
being alone.
missing out.
not doing what I should be.
making major mistakes.

I've been going and going and going for awhile, especially this week. As finals have been taken, bags packed up, and even good byes or see ya laters start but this feeling hadn't set it yet. As the day continued and people continued to leave the feeling started to sink in. You know that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach, that feeling like whoa lets throw on the breaks. I'm starting to get that feeling. I get it everytime I go outside of my comfort box. Everytime I step into new area of life. Everytime it turns out great, or at least as a good experience. I can do anything but why do I get that anxious feeling? Why do I get that fear?

I don't like change, I never have but sometimes it has to happen. I can't wait to be settled and have consistency. Yes, college has been that for 3.5 years but the first year was rough and people are always coming and going. I just happen to be the person going this time.
I fear things will change like they always do.
that the relationships I've built are going to change.
I fear being left behind as a distant memory and picture on the wall.
I fear not being there in a time of need.
I fear closing myself off again.