Do Not Worry

I feel like once you get everything figured out life throws you a curveball. Sometimes something unexpected happens or you move on to something completely different.

For me its something completely different this time. I found out that I got an internship that is going to put me in Bowling Green all summer. This is kind of a big deal. However, my internship starts in march. whoa, right?!? I'm taking 18 hours, I'm on leadership, now an internship, have I completely lost my mind? We'll find out. I work better the busier I am but I also order my life. I don't want to be that person that puts things on the backburner or is too busy for everybody else. I fear that. I want to always be able to make time and I will I just dont know how yet. I'm scared I may get in there and it may be exactly the opposite of what I wanted but I'll just have to wait and see.

Then there comes next year, senior year. I have lots of friends graduating or leaving this year, but next year is a whole different ball game. This is it. I realize that I may not be around next spring. I dont know what to do as housing, I dont know where I would be looking to leave to. The whole thought process is scarey. I start looking at things and say what if I'm not here next sprig, this is it.

God says do not worry about tomorrow. I like to know whats coming, but God says live in the present. I'm trying but its hard taking one day at a time. Sometimes you get ahead of yourself and need to find that comfort that it's all going to work out and be okay. I keep telling myself Do Not Worry but sometimes you just need to hear it from somebody else.

Forgiven

Ever since my feet hit US soil again in January I've felt like my head cant keep up with my feet. I'm running forward yet my head was spinning in so many directions I had no idea what was going on. Learning things about friends engagements, friends struggles, my own personal family/health/whatever issues, not to mention school starting and making a decision on this summer. I couldn't see straight but my feet kept moving.

During this time I didn't know what to do, I'm a fixer, a doer. I have trouble just sitting by and watching things happen. There was too much on the plate this time around. My only option was to let go, let God. Sometimes we like to think we can fix it all but truth is we can't do anything without God.

While all this was going on, I was in no position to fix anything or even make a human attempt at it. I was emotionally flying through my past. Whether things were reoccuring, memories were resurfacing- you know those things you push away thinking they'll never return, familiar emotions, whatever it is was I was emotionally tired and weak. I didn't know what to do except give it to God once again. One of my friends told me that God got me through it once, He will do it again. Later that night I heard a song called Forgiven.

No matter what has been done in the past God has forgiven me. He uses it for His glory and not our agony. This song shows how I felt for weeks that seemed like forever. Once again finding comfort that my sin is forgiven and that all I have to do is let go and let God.

Forgiven- Sanctus Real

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this lifeI know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

[back to chorus]

no fear in faith

The past couple of days things have seemed to come together. When things come up that I should worry about I've found a peace with it. God is in complete control. I have finally realized that I can't fix it, I cant do anything except give it to God. Many of you are prolly rolling your eyes saying its about time. My heart has been solid and my head clear. However, today was an "off" day. My fear has caught up with me and I keep telling myself that faith and fear do not coexist. I tell people that everything will be ok, just keep Christ at the center. The real truth is I am human, I am fearful.

I'm scared about my medical issues.
I'm scared about this summer.
I'm scared of making the wrong decisions.
I'm scared of saying the wrong thing.
I'm scared of screwing up.
I'm scared of the possbility of being so busy.
I'm scared I'm going to miss an opportunity.
I'm scared of being completely trustworthy and transparent with people.
I'm scared about next year.
I'm scared of losing people that are close to me whether that being going in different directions or whatever.

The other night I told one of my friends to stop everything, close her eyes, take 3 deep breaths, and whatever came to her mind just give to God. I wish I could take my own advice, I wish it were that easy. And yeah, I know, it really is that easy but I still worry. I know that I'm supposed to be in the field of study I'm in. Something happens on a daily basis to remind me that it is right, actually I'm scared of how many doors God has opened for me. Most of the things I can't predict or fix so my only option is to give them to God. He will take away my fears and comfort me in my time of need.

I am nothing, God is everything

Today I was watching Ameila. Somebody walked past and said is that Ameila Earheart? I looked at my roommate jokingly and said I'm going to do something great one day where somebody is going to do that too me. We started thinking and I was like I don't want to live an ordinary life, I don't want to get broken down into society and fall into the habitual lifestyle. I continued my thought and decided that if anybody should know me for anything its for sharing Christ.

I hate the way society looks at life in the fact that you have to go to school, get a job, have a family, and go through the normal society of things. We all run around with our schedules, filling them with something practices, meetings, lunch dates, whatever but the thing is what time do we make for God? What time do we make for sharing Christ? Especially in school we have all these meetings and hide behind our organizations or our labels when as Christians our real goal is to share Christ. Recognize what got you past and through all your crap. When everything was going wrong, who got you through it? Christians are going to answer Christ. He is everything for us, He is our Savior, He is our hope. What do other people say?

I've found what I love and what brings a smile to my face. I've found what will never let go, never leave me nor forsake me. That is the love of Christ. God is everything, He can do it all, He does it all. What else could you ever want to do, why live the normalcy of life when there is something so great to share with the world?

He is my strength

It's amazing how things can happen so fast. It's amazing how we can look back at the past few weeks, the past few months, the past few years and just say wow how can so much happen in so little time.

I've recently looked back at the past couple of weeks and so much has happened. It has caused me look further back because I feel like history is repeating itself. At the same time new problems arise, in sickness, in hurt, in pain, in decision making, in everything. I've felt like I've been on information overload. As much as i feel like I'm spinning in circles I feel like God is watching laughing saying don't get too dizzy, or telling me to stop kinda like your parents do when you are little and spinning in circles (which I still do). God has been my strength with everything I have come in contact with. This year has been one of the hardest years of my life personally but who would've known. God has gotten me through it. He will continue to get me through the decisions I have to make, the appointments I have to go to, and the emotions that are finally coming more reality than just talk.

He is the one thing that will always remain constant. When trust is questionable with the human race, God is there to listen. He will never bring me to anything He cannot get me through. Things happen, we live in agnoy and hurt but we find joy in the fact that we will be delivered and live in eternity with Him. It doesn't make things easy or hurt less but it does bring a small peace to your heart.