This time of year we either get excited about what presents are under the tree or the fact that it is Jesus' birthday. Yes, Jesus is the best present anybody could give me but that is a given. After that you ask whats next on the list. This year it was something that didn't make my christmas list. It was something I didn't think of and that money can't buy yet it warms my heart, brings a smilie to my face, and a tear to my eye quicker than anything ever could.
Many of you know that my grandfather has alzheimer's. Many of you know that it has made me grow up quicker than I ever thought in some ways. He hasn't remember who I was in years. It is a simple thing that I have come to terms with and accepted. Yet I still walk in his room holding on to a glimer of hope. There is a part of me that wants to wake up from the dream and everything go back to the way it use to be where playing spades, hearing stories from the Great Depression or WWII was a normal holiday event. For years I've held on to the slim possibility of him remembering that I was his granddaughter, his favorite, his only granddaughter just so I could see that smile and know he was as proud of me as I am of him.
Today I made a connection. The man who taught me how to swim, how to count by playing cards, how to be adventerous yet professional looked at me in the eye and called me by name. For five seconds I got my notebook moment. For five seconds it was all worth it. So today as I thank God for giving us his son, I also think Him for those five seconds where the older more appreciative version of myself could connect with my grandfather, my hero, for those fives seconds.
When the holiday is all about spending time and celebrating with friends and family. I think God for the presents He could only give me.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Reason for the Season
I've been doing this Christmas thing for 20 years now. For many of those years I've looked at the tree and thought how beautiful it is. When Christmas morning rolls around santa comes and there are presents under the tree and its all about what you got. WE don't take time to realize what we really got, JESUS. We are truely blessed with something greater than any materalistic thing that is under the tree that we will use or wear for a year or so and throw out. However, we were blessed with something that will always be there from the beginning until the end.
This season take time to look at your families and appreciate what they've done, appreciate who they are. Take the time to spend with them and love on each other. More than anything remind each other what the real reason is for the season, that Christ is born.
This season take time to look at your families and appreciate what they've done, appreciate who they are. Take the time to spend with them and love on each other. More than anything remind each other what the real reason is for the season, that Christ is born.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
nothing less than random
I'm home, finally home. I can spend the day doing whatever and not worry about what test, paper, or project I have due when I get back to school. I'm finally relaxing and not worrying about whats tomorrow. Sure, I still have lots to do for my trip or next semester. I have lots of decisions to make before I get too far into next semester but for now I'm enjoying being home for the holidays. I'm enjoying where I come from and how I am the person I am.
Being home I've realized that I've become more like my parents than I ever wanted especially like my dad. I make the corny jokes, enjoy going to the movies, or looking for my next trip before I take the one planned. I've been taught to do my best and make the most of my life. I've been taught to enjoy the little things like making burbon balls with my mom, and coming up with crazy ideas that make no sense to anybody but myself. I'm having fun, and loving life, something I haven't done that much this semester.
This semester I became the kid that got their head on straight. I picked a major and went full steam ahead. I found several opportunities for internships, attempted getting a couple of jobs, turned in hang out time for volunteer time. I built my resume and yeah it might pay off but I've missed the part of me that can kick back and be the goof ball. I miss being the kid that has an idea and goes with it while everybody else stands by and says, great here we go again or hey sara, this really isn't a good idea while they hold the camera. We all know that nothing is going to stop me once I have my mind set on something and thats the way I've been with my major. Thats the way I plan to be with my new goals for the spring semester. However, I also plan on taking my time at home and abroad to rediscover the inner-child in me.
Being home I've realized that I've become more like my parents than I ever wanted especially like my dad. I make the corny jokes, enjoy going to the movies, or looking for my next trip before I take the one planned. I've been taught to do my best and make the most of my life. I've been taught to enjoy the little things like making burbon balls with my mom, and coming up with crazy ideas that make no sense to anybody but myself. I'm having fun, and loving life, something I haven't done that much this semester.
This semester I became the kid that got their head on straight. I picked a major and went full steam ahead. I found several opportunities for internships, attempted getting a couple of jobs, turned in hang out time for volunteer time. I built my resume and yeah it might pay off but I've missed the part of me that can kick back and be the goof ball. I miss being the kid that has an idea and goes with it while everybody else stands by and says, great here we go again or hey sara, this really isn't a good idea while they hold the camera. We all know that nothing is going to stop me once I have my mind set on something and thats the way I've been with my major. Thats the way I plan to be with my new goals for the spring semester. However, I also plan on taking my time at home and abroad to rediscover the inner-child in me.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My Haibt is God
Lately all of the wrong things have been on the do to list. They have taken top priority and God is only let in when their is time. Naturally when this happens to me everything seems to go wrong. My struggles become harder to deny. My selfish and jealous feelings set in. School usually becomes a top focus especially to drown everything out. This semester it has been really easy to fill those blind spots with things that are coming in my near future like an internship or just volunteer work. I love what I do but nothing seems right without Christ at the center of it. When I was home everything felt out of sync. I've been more worried about the news I found out this summer than ever. Part of me thinks that I'm finally coming to terms with it but a bigger part of just says that I'm not fully trusting God. I know all the answers when people ask whats up or even when I talk about this, the habit is living what I know out. God will take care of me but sometimes I just need people to listen and love on me, just what we as brothers and sisters in christ are called to do.
It takes 21 days to make a habit. I'm making a life changing habit. That habit being God. Whether that is being in His word daily, praying for everything, noticing my sins and asking God for forgiveness immediately, asking Him to better me, finding ways to worship Him because this is all for Him. I know He has great plans for me as long as I trust in Him. This is me attempting as an imperfect human being to live my life fully for something greater than me, GOD.
The more I put God at the center of my life, the more everything else just falls into place.
Pray for each other, support eachother, love each other.... but more than anything make sure that the center of it all is God.
My challenge to you is to join me in making God your habit.
It takes 21 days to make a habit. I'm making a life changing habit. That habit being God. Whether that is being in His word daily, praying for everything, noticing my sins and asking God for forgiveness immediately, asking Him to better me, finding ways to worship Him because this is all for Him. I know He has great plans for me as long as I trust in Him. This is me attempting as an imperfect human being to live my life fully for something greater than me, GOD.
The more I put God at the center of my life, the more everything else just falls into place.
Pray for each other, support eachother, love each other.... but more than anything make sure that the center of it all is God.
My challenge to you is to join me in making God your habit.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Grace like rain
This summer the biggest thing that has stuck with me isn't the kids, not the sports, not the songs, it's one story. I've heard it all my life but for some reason this summer stuck it in my head. Its the one about the armor of God. We talk about how we need all of the pieces to be soliders ready to go into battle. Without just one peice of the armor it is not safe for us to go into battle. If I were to go into battle today, I would end up wounded. Not dead, just wounded.
I say not dead because with God I get all eternity. I was asked today but a stranger if I died today if I knew where I was going and I answered yes, Heaven. He asked why and I answered with john 3:16. We always forget about what john 3:17 says. He doesn't want to condemn us he wants to save us. He forgives us when we screw up and we all do. God is good, God is all good all the time. No matter what we are going through and as much as we reject Him he is always there. Sometimes He is there and we love it, sometimes He's like the fly we swat at for hours but can truely never get rid of.
I feel selfish and I feel like I have not accomplished what I have wanted to accomplish. I'm not talking about building the resume. I'm not talking about pleasing others. I'm talking about pleaseing God. I feel like I could have done so much and now I'm trying to make up for it. I want to be like my grandfather who gave everything he has to make something better for other people while sharing the love of Christ. I find myself doing all these to make me into somebody but I should consider myself nothing and God everything. My job is to serve others no matter the capacity. I've been frusterated, I've been mad, I've been upset. Indirectly at God, directly with myself. I've done everything but blame myself for my failures, but from my failures I rise above and become better. I learn to use the gifts God gave me to reach a place that does not know him. I've let nobody down except myself with full knowledge that I can be better than what I am now, just a college student going through the motions.
Hear my prayer:
God make me into somebody that serves unconditionally. Let this not be my life but take my soul and make this a life pleasing to you. Live in me, live through me. Use me as a living sacrifice. Let me make no excuse. Let me stumbles become building blocks. Let the sunrise remind me of your beauty. Let the sunset remind me that your are powerful. You are almighty and nothing is better than basking in your Glory. Find me on my knees broken and hopeless without you. I may not understand, I may not agree, but you, God, you know whats right for me.
I say not dead because with God I get all eternity. I was asked today but a stranger if I died today if I knew where I was going and I answered yes, Heaven. He asked why and I answered with john 3:16. We always forget about what john 3:17 says. He doesn't want to condemn us he wants to save us. He forgives us when we screw up and we all do. God is good, God is all good all the time. No matter what we are going through and as much as we reject Him he is always there. Sometimes He is there and we love it, sometimes He's like the fly we swat at for hours but can truely never get rid of.
I feel selfish and I feel like I have not accomplished what I have wanted to accomplish. I'm not talking about building the resume. I'm not talking about pleasing others. I'm talking about pleaseing God. I feel like I could have done so much and now I'm trying to make up for it. I want to be like my grandfather who gave everything he has to make something better for other people while sharing the love of Christ. I find myself doing all these to make me into somebody but I should consider myself nothing and God everything. My job is to serve others no matter the capacity. I've been frusterated, I've been mad, I've been upset. Indirectly at God, directly with myself. I've done everything but blame myself for my failures, but from my failures I rise above and become better. I learn to use the gifts God gave me to reach a place that does not know him. I've let nobody down except myself with full knowledge that I can be better than what I am now, just a college student going through the motions.
Hear my prayer:
God make me into somebody that serves unconditionally. Let this not be my life but take my soul and make this a life pleasing to you. Live in me, live through me. Use me as a living sacrifice. Let me make no excuse. Let me stumbles become building blocks. Let the sunrise remind me of your beauty. Let the sunset remind me that your are powerful. You are almighty and nothing is better than basking in your Glory. Find me on my knees broken and hopeless without you. I may not understand, I may not agree, but you, God, you know whats right for me.
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