Life is a story and every now and then a chapter ends and a new one begins. My current chapter is starting to come to a close. It's kind of scary, stressful, nerve racking, yet exciting and joyous and fun. One of my older friends told me when talking about graduation that you would know when the right time is to move on. I've worried for a while that I would never feel like it was the right time. It is what I have known for the past 4 years and who has made me into the truely independent young adult I am. Plus who really wants to go out into that scarey world, especially by themselves?
I've never known what I wanted to do with my life and to this day I still don't know what my dream job would be. Some days it is to work and plan a summer camp, some days I'd love to be in an office and have a "normal job", and sometimes I would like to do something just completely different from everybody else. I've worked in minor league baseball all summer and in the fall I'll be moving on to somewhere different, something different (TBA). What I have learned in this that I'm ready to move on.
I like to think of being prepared to move on versus just graduating and being thrown into the real world like waking up on your own versus waking up to an alarm clock. Ususally when you wake up on your own you feel more rested and ready to go, kind of like you are on your own time. You make the decision to get out of bed and start the day. When you are prepared to move on you usually know the next step, feel like its on your own time, and have control. Whereas when the alarm clock goes off you are forced to get out of bed and go do whatever you have to do for the day. This is how I compare being thrown into the real world. You are forced into something that you may not be ready for it. You may not like it but you have to do it anyways.
For me I think I finally woke up on my own tonight and found myself ready to move on. I may still be nervous, scared, excited, uneasy, or whatever but I also feel prepared...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
thinking like a child
I'm doing some catch up reading for the summer instead of packing to move to my new apt. I like to put off the things I need to do by doing the things I never do. One of those things is reading. The book im reading right now allows for a lot of the outside the box thinking. One thing that hit me is that if you can explain things to kids than you really understand them. Then again the simpler the terms something is in the easier it is to understand.
I've found that this is true with most things in life. Having dealt with kids a lot in the past couple of years I like thinking and acting like a kid. It causes things to be simpler and easier. Kids usually take things for what they are instead of trying to think them through. We are called to approach God with a childlike faith/attitude. We try so often to out think God and get one step ahead but we never can.
I've found that this is true with most things in life. Having dealt with kids a lot in the past couple of years I like thinking and acting like a kid. It causes things to be simpler and easier. Kids usually take things for what they are instead of trying to think them through. We are called to approach God with a childlike faith/attitude. We try so often to out think God and get one step ahead but we never can.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
slowly but surely
Most people know that I'm stubborn, hard headed, and extremely independent. I'm going to do things on my own time and when I'm ready. I've been this way ever since I was a little kid. I mean there is a picture of me in my crib when I first learned how to pull myself up that says it all. Now 21 years old why should anything be any different? It make take me a while but eventually I come around and get my head on straight. Lots has happened this summer and I may not be exactly where I need to be but I'm finally feeling like there is an upswing. Here are some of my personal realizations I've made if not the past few days, ive realized them this summer.
1) When times get tough it becomes tough to know who to depend on to be there. I've learned that God will always be there, yeah its a reoccuring lesson but sometimes it needs to be reinforced.
2) I've relyed on people or materalistic things to get me through when really the only thing that will is Christ.
3) It's okay to be upset and mad at God as long as you don't deny the truth that He sent His one and only son to die for you and your screw ups.
4)The hard things in life come to make us stronger, without them where would we be? how would we learn? how would we grow?
5)I need to stop thinking that people are going to leave, I've really found solid friends that are going to be there no matter what.
6) No matter how fast we try to run from God, He will always be there. The famous saying you can run but you can't hide doesn't apply to Him.
7)I've decided that I try and do too much instead of listening but really letting God have control over it all. I'm a fixer and a doer but really I can't fix or do anything, it's all God.
8)As humans we have a tendency to listen tell people what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
9)I've learned that we don't always push people towards Christ like we should, we tend to just let people say what they want.
10) I personally feel like we don't say or show people love enough. So much of the time all someone needs to hear is I love you followed by a hug. People seem to busy to stop and make sure that the people they truely care about feel loved and cared about.
Some of these have to do with what I have been going through lately. Some have to do with dealing with the death of multiple people I've known this summer, some have to do with friendships and people moving on, some have to do with the disappointments I've met this summer. All of them in one way or another deal with the ups and downs of christianity and that as a 21 year old college student striving to be a christian in the midst of lifes curveballs.
God will never leave you or forsake you. My God is just that MY GOD. the last sermon I listened to of my grandfather's is psalm 23. In it He talks about how God is after you. He will put all the sheep away and go searching for the lost the sheep. To be honest I've felt like the last sheep lately. However, I had my wake up call a couple of days ago. It may take me awhile but I catch on eventually. The walk up the mountain isn't always easy but I know I'll be stronger for it.
1) When times get tough it becomes tough to know who to depend on to be there. I've learned that God will always be there, yeah its a reoccuring lesson but sometimes it needs to be reinforced.
2) I've relyed on people or materalistic things to get me through when really the only thing that will is Christ.
3) It's okay to be upset and mad at God as long as you don't deny the truth that He sent His one and only son to die for you and your screw ups.
4)The hard things in life come to make us stronger, without them where would we be? how would we learn? how would we grow?
5)I need to stop thinking that people are going to leave, I've really found solid friends that are going to be there no matter what.
6) No matter how fast we try to run from God, He will always be there. The famous saying you can run but you can't hide doesn't apply to Him.
7)I've decided that I try and do too much instead of listening but really letting God have control over it all. I'm a fixer and a doer but really I can't fix or do anything, it's all God.
8)As humans we have a tendency to listen tell people what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
9)I've learned that we don't always push people towards Christ like we should, we tend to just let people say what they want.
10) I personally feel like we don't say or show people love enough. So much of the time all someone needs to hear is I love you followed by a hug. People seem to busy to stop and make sure that the people they truely care about feel loved and cared about.
Some of these have to do with what I have been going through lately. Some have to do with dealing with the death of multiple people I've known this summer, some have to do with friendships and people moving on, some have to do with the disappointments I've met this summer. All of them in one way or another deal with the ups and downs of christianity and that as a 21 year old college student striving to be a christian in the midst of lifes curveballs.
God will never leave you or forsake you. My God is just that MY GOD. the last sermon I listened to of my grandfather's is psalm 23. In it He talks about how God is after you. He will put all the sheep away and go searching for the lost the sheep. To be honest I've felt like the last sheep lately. However, I had my wake up call a couple of days ago. It may take me awhile but I catch on eventually. The walk up the mountain isn't always easy but I know I'll be stronger for it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
God's sending
I've found that God has a funny way of sending people into your life. He provides the people you need at the times you need them. There are 5 people that I spent all summer with last summer that helped me in ways I can't say. We live around the country and still stay in contact. God has sent me many great friends at western that I don't know what I would do without them.
Sometimes God sends people into your life for a season, sometimes a lifetime. I've found that when I say good bye to people who lose their lives it's difficult but I know nothing bad can happen to them anymore. There is no hurt, no suffer. Sometimes I don't understand why lives are taken so early but I know that it is God's planning. Sometimes I don't understand why He allows people to suffer through the end of their lives but again it is all in God's planning.
However, when you think a friendship that will last a lifetime begins to come to an end of a season you ask why. You find that it is much harder to let go. I think back to some of my seasonal friendships and find that there is a spot that still loves them and cares for them. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I have to trust in God and know that everything in this crazy human life of ours is in his planning and that he will countine to send people in your life.
Sometimes God sends people into your life for a season, sometimes a lifetime. I've found that when I say good bye to people who lose their lives it's difficult but I know nothing bad can happen to them anymore. There is no hurt, no suffer. Sometimes I don't understand why lives are taken so early but I know that it is God's planning. Sometimes I don't understand why He allows people to suffer through the end of their lives but again it is all in God's planning.
However, when you think a friendship that will last a lifetime begins to come to an end of a season you ask why. You find that it is much harder to let go. I think back to some of my seasonal friendships and find that there is a spot that still loves them and cares for them. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I have to trust in God and know that everything in this crazy human life of ours is in his planning and that he will countine to send people in your life.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
summer livin'
Summer livin hasn't really been a blast this summer. Prewarning: this blog post may be a bit of downer but thats the way things have been lately. My realizations of growing up and the things that were lost along the way.
I haven't really stopped since at least christmas. I went to australia and new zealand, came back started class, started work, ended class, went to chicago (for the night), and put 3000 miles on my car driving between nashville and louisville. its july 4 and things are slowing down anytime soon but I'm hoping they will start to look up. The month of june has held 3 weddings and 2 funerals. Many of you know that my grandfather died about a week ago. It was my first grandparent to go. Most of you know also know that my grandfather was sick and it was his time to go. However as much as you prepare yourself you can never be prepared and as okay asyou want to be with it there is always something that makes you not so okay with it. As of right now I have my moments. I've been having my moments with everything.
I told my mom that my glass was full and when one little thing happened it overflowed the glass. The things that may be nothing when nothing else is going on seem to be very big deals to me right now. Everything bothers me to an extent, im on edge with just about everything. I'm ready for life to be back to normal but what is normal?
For me normal has always been school maybe a sport maybe a couple organizations and some friends. I've realized that in 6 months this won't be the norm for me anymore. I dont know whats next. There is a bit of fear and a bit of excitement installed in me. I have lots of options so everything is really okay in my mind whats not okay is the friendships I've had along the way. I have anxiety about being a senior because of my last senior year. I've always managed my friendships with people who are younger or older than me better than I have with people my own age. However as I look back on the past three years I see that the people I came in as freshman with have been there, we've all been through a lot together. I've also realized that through the past 3 years these friendships have just been there, sometimes they require a little work but not always. This summer I've gotten a taste of what it will be like to be a college graduate and move on to the next phase of life. I've realized that friendships take work, they are a challenge but if you work at it, they work. However it has to be a two way street. The fact that I have seen this happen this summer increases my anxiety.
I'm not ready to move on, I'm not ready for change. I'm ready to have some normalcy back in my life. I'm ready for the water level in my cup to descend some. As much as i want to crawl in a hole and disappear for a while or run away from lifes problems, I know and have learned that sooner or later you have to stand up and go to battle; for you friendships, for you family, for you time, and really for your own sanity.
I haven't really stopped since at least christmas. I went to australia and new zealand, came back started class, started work, ended class, went to chicago (for the night), and put 3000 miles on my car driving between nashville and louisville. its july 4 and things are slowing down anytime soon but I'm hoping they will start to look up. The month of june has held 3 weddings and 2 funerals. Many of you know that my grandfather died about a week ago. It was my first grandparent to go. Most of you know also know that my grandfather was sick and it was his time to go. However as much as you prepare yourself you can never be prepared and as okay asyou want to be with it there is always something that makes you not so okay with it. As of right now I have my moments. I've been having my moments with everything.
I told my mom that my glass was full and when one little thing happened it overflowed the glass. The things that may be nothing when nothing else is going on seem to be very big deals to me right now. Everything bothers me to an extent, im on edge with just about everything. I'm ready for life to be back to normal but what is normal?
For me normal has always been school maybe a sport maybe a couple organizations and some friends. I've realized that in 6 months this won't be the norm for me anymore. I dont know whats next. There is a bit of fear and a bit of excitement installed in me. I have lots of options so everything is really okay in my mind whats not okay is the friendships I've had along the way. I have anxiety about being a senior because of my last senior year. I've always managed my friendships with people who are younger or older than me better than I have with people my own age. However as I look back on the past three years I see that the people I came in as freshman with have been there, we've all been through a lot together. I've also realized that through the past 3 years these friendships have just been there, sometimes they require a little work but not always. This summer I've gotten a taste of what it will be like to be a college graduate and move on to the next phase of life. I've realized that friendships take work, they are a challenge but if you work at it, they work. However it has to be a two way street. The fact that I have seen this happen this summer increases my anxiety.
I'm not ready to move on, I'm not ready for change. I'm ready to have some normalcy back in my life. I'm ready for the water level in my cup to descend some. As much as i want to crawl in a hole and disappear for a while or run away from lifes problems, I know and have learned that sooner or later you have to stand up and go to battle; for you friendships, for you family, for you time, and really for your own sanity.
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