summer livin'

Summer livin hasn't really been a blast this summer. Prewarning: this blog post may be a bit of downer but thats the way things have been lately. My realizations of growing up and the things that were lost along the way.

I haven't really stopped since at least christmas. I went to australia and new zealand, came back started class, started work, ended class, went to chicago (for the night), and put 3000 miles on my car driving between nashville and louisville. its july 4 and things are slowing down anytime soon but I'm hoping they will start to look up. The month of june has held 3 weddings and 2 funerals. Many of you know that my grandfather died about a week ago. It was my first grandparent to go. Most of you know also know that my grandfather was sick and it was his time to go. However as much as you prepare yourself you can never be prepared and as okay asyou want to be with it there is always something that makes you not so okay with it. As of right now I have my moments. I've been having my moments with everything.

I told my mom that my glass was full and when one little thing happened it overflowed the glass. The things that may be nothing when nothing else is going on seem to be very big deals to me right now. Everything bothers me to an extent, im on edge with just about everything. I'm ready for life to be back to normal but what is normal?

For me normal has always been school maybe a sport maybe a couple organizations and some friends. I've realized that in 6 months this won't be the norm for me anymore. I dont know whats next. There is a bit of fear and a bit of excitement installed in me. I have lots of options so everything is really okay in my mind whats not okay is the friendships I've had along the way. I have anxiety about being a senior because of my last senior year. I've always managed my friendships with people who are younger or older than me better than I have with people my own age. However as I look back on the past three years I see that the people I came in as freshman with have been there, we've all been through a lot together. I've also realized that through the past 3 years these friendships have just been there, sometimes they require a little work but not always. This summer I've gotten a taste of what it will be like to be a college graduate and move on to the next phase of life. I've realized that friendships take work, they are a challenge but if you work at it, they work. However it has to be a two way street. The fact that I have seen this happen this summer increases my anxiety.

I'm not ready to move on, I'm not ready for change. I'm ready to have some normalcy back in my life. I'm ready for the water level in my cup to descend some. As much as i want to crawl in a hole and disappear for a while or run away from lifes problems, I know and have learned that sooner or later you have to stand up and go to battle; for you friendships, for you family, for you time, and really for your own sanity.