This time last year I was preparing to go to camp. Part of me was excited because I was doing what seemed like everybody else was doing. I was going to travel, play sports, hang out with kids, and do my whole summer for God. Part of me was scared to death. I had to trust God more than I ever had before. I was going to Nashville to meet up with a bunch of people I had never met, set in a van for hours, and spend 8 weeks with people I knew nothing about. I didn't know if I was prepared, I didn't know if I could handle it, I had no idea what God had in store for me. I learned that it was the best summer of my life.
This summer roled around and I learned that I have to be a big kid and do something instead of camp. My heart was still with camp but I knew that I was supposed to move on. After all that has been the phrase I can't seem to get stuck in my head, move on. Move on, its been the catch phrase for my grandparents house, for people graduation, and for the fears I face in my future. This summer I'm in Bowling Green. Many of my friends are here, many of us doing something this summer that we have never done before, big kid jobs aka internships aka growing up. I move into this summer excited and scared. I'm excited to being in sports again, sometimes dealing with little kids, being around my friends instead of just writing letters or random phone calls. However, I'm scared of not getting away and focusing on one single thing...God. I'm scared of having all this free time on my hands and being alone so much. I'm scared of losing focus. This summer is the summer where we get tested of what our true character is, our true colors. How we really live our life because eventually the summer ends, camp ends, and live goes on.
I think that every season of life has a reason to exist. Camp existed to change my life, to show me what life is really all about, to discover my true passion. This summer has a new lesson, a new reason to exist and I dont know what that is. All I know is that my goal is to make it one more summer of a lifetime. My goal is to live as if I were at camp because that is the passion we are supposed to always have for God. It's time to take what I learned and apply it. It is finally time to move on....
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
It is time
It is time to step up to the plate. It is time to let go and take a leap of faith. It is just time...
Last night was our senior night for 180. Lots of memories flooded my mind. The influences they have made and how they have helped shape me into the person I am today. Chase spoke and all of a sudden as I find myself suffering with thoughts of my grandparents I flash back to when it all started my freshman year. I can see myself eyes filled with tears and he hugs me. It was the first feeling I got that these people are really here to love on me. As I look around I see Matt aka papa bear, jacob, ashley. All thse people will be playing different roles in my life next semester. I can't stop to think what my life would be without them. The awesome thing is that I don't have to. God placed these people in my life for a solid reason.
I walked over to matt who was there from the beginning. He hugged me and spoke to me before I had the chance to say anything. His words of encouragment and sincere thankfulness broke me down. I walk over to Jacob, the late night drives and the spontaneous moments make our friendship. And ashley, there isn't much to say but how much I love her. Shes taught me more about myself than I ever thought I could know or comprehend. Then there is emily, she already graduated and we got lucky enough to have her around for another year. She has been right there with me through it all, knowing when to provide a shoulder and when to pick up a glove.
There are just some of the guys who have made my college experience what it has been. There are so many people that are still going to be around next year but to my seniors, I say thank you. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. You have shown me that it is okay to trust again, you've shown me that it's okay to show my emotions. you've shown me what its like to live and love like christ. My excitement for each of you exceeds my sadness of not seeing you day in and day out.
To those who are still going to be around it is time. time to step up and invest. It is time to be the leaders we are meant to be. It is time to pay it forward and give the underclassmen what our seniors gave us, love. I was lucky enough to be in a cluster this year that helped me realize that when we come together its not all about business, its about investment, love, encouragment, and sometimes just pure fun and laughter. I continue to learn, grow, and be surprised but most importantly enjoy the season that God has allowed me to have at the current time.
Last night was our senior night for 180. Lots of memories flooded my mind. The influences they have made and how they have helped shape me into the person I am today. Chase spoke and all of a sudden as I find myself suffering with thoughts of my grandparents I flash back to when it all started my freshman year. I can see myself eyes filled with tears and he hugs me. It was the first feeling I got that these people are really here to love on me. As I look around I see Matt aka papa bear, jacob, ashley. All thse people will be playing different roles in my life next semester. I can't stop to think what my life would be without them. The awesome thing is that I don't have to. God placed these people in my life for a solid reason.
I walked over to matt who was there from the beginning. He hugged me and spoke to me before I had the chance to say anything. His words of encouragment and sincere thankfulness broke me down. I walk over to Jacob, the late night drives and the spontaneous moments make our friendship. And ashley, there isn't much to say but how much I love her. Shes taught me more about myself than I ever thought I could know or comprehend. Then there is emily, she already graduated and we got lucky enough to have her around for another year. She has been right there with me through it all, knowing when to provide a shoulder and when to pick up a glove.
There are just some of the guys who have made my college experience what it has been. There are so many people that are still going to be around next year but to my seniors, I say thank you. I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. You have shown me that it is okay to trust again, you've shown me that it's okay to show my emotions. you've shown me what its like to live and love like christ. My excitement for each of you exceeds my sadness of not seeing you day in and day out.
To those who are still going to be around it is time. time to step up and invest. It is time to be the leaders we are meant to be. It is time to pay it forward and give the underclassmen what our seniors gave us, love. I was lucky enough to be in a cluster this year that helped me realize that when we come together its not all about business, its about investment, love, encouragment, and sometimes just pure fun and laughter. I continue to learn, grow, and be surprised but most importantly enjoy the season that God has allowed me to have at the current time.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Heart Issues
Throughout the semester I've learned about heart issues. Jealousy, anger, greed those types of things. They all stem out of one's heart and held in emotions. Andy Stanley talks about how we hold onto emotions. It's like putting them in a backpack. We go through seasons of our life and things change but we are always holding onto this backpack. Eventually this backpack starts to weigh us down. I've had to check my own heart, I've had to realize what I've been holding on to for years, what is truely weighing me down. I've had to look deep in my heart and forgive people, truely honestly forgive them. Its one thing to say I'm sorry but dont say its ok, which usually happens because it is not okay but you can be forgiven. So when I have said its ok but it hasn't been ok I still forgive or at least am trying to forgive you.
I look back in high school and I see the girls who "had it all" You know the stereotypical high school life. I wasn't jealous of it but I wanted to blend in. Part of me enjoyed standing out and being my own individualistic person but part of me wanted what they had because it came with no questions, that was life and what was expected. I was jealous of the people who constantly had fun with their friends,until I got that. Then I got angry with my friends. I felt like they were leaving me out and that I didn't fit with them either. Eventually my anxiety caught up with me and eventually it all came tumbling down. I got mad at myself because I'm good at blaming myself for everything even if there is hardly any way for it be my fault I find that way. It's easier for me to blame myself than to blame anybody else. I can deal with it.
Now I've hit college. I find that I'm in another season of my life but I'm still angry from my friends in high school. I'm still angry at myself. I need to let go. I need to let people in. I need to be emotional about it and deal with it all. I need to move on. However, I find myself angry now because I see new situations that resimble those of my past. I'm no longer invited to where my friends are going and it bothers me because thats how it started in the past. I compare situations of the present to situations of the past. It makes me angry because I want to have fun and I feel like I can't because of all the emotion in my life right now. I feel like I'm missing out. It also leads to jealousy. I see my friends having fun, I see the pictures, and I want that. I'm jealous of the time they have, the memories they've made, and the resumes theyve built.
It all starts with my heart and where it is. I want the best for people and anybody that knows me knows that I truely care about people, more than I care about myself. I would do anything for them at any given time. However when I put my own emotions to the side it buts more baggage in my backpack. It makes it heavier and harder for me to hold myself up. My mom said that its like the oxygen masks on a plane, help yourself before helping others. If you don't help yourself you can't help the others to the best of your ability. Its nothing short of the truth. I can't help other people until I help myself.
These issues are issues of my heart. My heart needs to be healed. My heart needs to feel no jealously, no anger. What you speak of must first come from your heart for you to truely believe it. Romans 10:9, 10 says it plan and simple. Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart. Give it to God, He is the only thing that can take away your heart issues.
I look back in high school and I see the girls who "had it all" You know the stereotypical high school life. I wasn't jealous of it but I wanted to blend in. Part of me enjoyed standing out and being my own individualistic person but part of me wanted what they had because it came with no questions, that was life and what was expected. I was jealous of the people who constantly had fun with their friends,until I got that. Then I got angry with my friends. I felt like they were leaving me out and that I didn't fit with them either. Eventually my anxiety caught up with me and eventually it all came tumbling down. I got mad at myself because I'm good at blaming myself for everything even if there is hardly any way for it be my fault I find that way. It's easier for me to blame myself than to blame anybody else. I can deal with it.
Now I've hit college. I find that I'm in another season of my life but I'm still angry from my friends in high school. I'm still angry at myself. I need to let go. I need to let people in. I need to be emotional about it and deal with it all. I need to move on. However, I find myself angry now because I see new situations that resimble those of my past. I'm no longer invited to where my friends are going and it bothers me because thats how it started in the past. I compare situations of the present to situations of the past. It makes me angry because I want to have fun and I feel like I can't because of all the emotion in my life right now. I feel like I'm missing out. It also leads to jealousy. I see my friends having fun, I see the pictures, and I want that. I'm jealous of the time they have, the memories they've made, and the resumes theyve built.
It all starts with my heart and where it is. I want the best for people and anybody that knows me knows that I truely care about people, more than I care about myself. I would do anything for them at any given time. However when I put my own emotions to the side it buts more baggage in my backpack. It makes it heavier and harder for me to hold myself up. My mom said that its like the oxygen masks on a plane, help yourself before helping others. If you don't help yourself you can't help the others to the best of your ability. Its nothing short of the truth. I can't help other people until I help myself.
These issues are issues of my heart. My heart needs to be healed. My heart needs to feel no jealously, no anger. What you speak of must first come from your heart for you to truely believe it. Romans 10:9, 10 says it plan and simple. Confess with your mouth and believe in your heart. Give it to God, He is the only thing that can take away your heart issues.
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