The power of prayer

Many of us express our concerns, our hurts, our fears, etc in the form of prayer request. We trust that people will pray over them. We say we will, we say we do but do we really? I've realized how important it is to follow through not only on that statement alone but on our word. Many of the times there are no words to comfort, there is no problem to fix. It just is what it is. Alll we can do is lift it to god. God can comfort us and be our strength.



God is powerful and all things can be done through him. He can heal the sick and preform all kinds of miracles. He can be the superglue that holds it all together. We must let go of our own pride, of I can take care of it, I can do it, and truely break ourselves of ourselves and let god do what he does. We may not understand it, we probably wont understand it but that is why god is god and we must trust him with all we have. We must pray for one another and believe he can. Its ok to be upset and angry but we must find joy in who he is and what he is capable of. Give it to him, he is all powerful and in control

The fear of our generation

I see our generation as a generation that is very goal oriented instead of people oriented. We care less and less about each other and being there for one another. Instead we focus on what activities we are in, how we can move up the ladder of success, our jobs, how much money we make and all the materalistic things in this world. When times get tough we rarely look to each other for support and help because everybody is too busy in their own thing.

When people get hurt we rarely step up to the plate and fill in responsibility. We find it harder to let go of our own selfish desires to fulfil responsibility in work, school, organizations, and anything else. We hurt for our friends and family but thats it. As humans we want to go fix it and do something when really there is nothing to do but stop and comfort those who are hurting. There is nothing to do but to step up to the plate and be there instead of just saying I'm there.

"Words are just words until you put actions behind them"

Planned out

So I keep thinking about the future and what is to come. The future really does effect my here and now. I want to have it figured out. I want to know if I'm going to be in BG with my friends the last semester we have before we graduate of if I'm going to have to take that big kid step a semester early. I'm scared that my plan is not the plan God has for me. I know we are not supposed to plan things because when we do He messes them up but we should be prepared.

Today I was looking at things trying to think about the next step after college. Would I put myself in a position to get a job via my internship or something else, would I go to grad school, what exactly am I going to do. Well today I found my dream. I've always wanted to work for the NCAA. I was surfing through stuff just to see what was out there. I stumbled upon a year long internship with the NCAA in Indianapolis. And to top it off it pays. It would start in June after I graduate. Its specifically for post grad students. I could go do that and stay in BG and intern with somebody at school. Just the slim possibility makes me smile.

Warrior

I'm a competitor, I always have been. I hate losing, I get mad at the fact. I've lost many times, I've been knocked down several times. Every time I fall I tend to get back up and go at it harder than before. Ask my brother, he's seen the physicalness of it before. We'd fight as kids, hed knock me down, and I would go full force into him.

Here's the deal. Ever since my trip I've been a completely different person, at least I've felt like one. Ever since my trip I've been challenged in emotion ways I never expected. Well I expected them I just didn't expect them to be like this. I've learned a lot from them, I've come out of my comfort zone and learned that it's ok to trust people. However, I've gotten to the point of attack. I've gotten to the point where you stand up on your feet, look at the goal, and just say really! Then you say to yourself just dig deeper, go harder, so you take a second and go again. Tonight was that night.

During spring break I started cleaning out my grandparents house. It brought up many emotions but I knew it would, I saw it coming. It's another stage in the morning process. I realized that nobody can be there for me like God can. In those weeks from then til now I've learned that people, even friends can be crappy. People fail but God doesn't.

Many of my closest friends are graduating. I may be leaving in the spring. I'm scared that God's plan for me won't match up with what I want. I'm scared of not having a leadership role year even though I know God has a bigger plan for me. I know that God tells us not to fear. This has all been overwhelming. When things seem as if they are turning around and everybody is coming back together I keep getting hit personally.

Last night my best friend from high school called me out of the blue. It was great talking to her and catching up as random as it was. However, old people, old memories, old emotions that I've buried under the ground for so long were risen from the grave. Things I have not delt with that are affecting the hear and now. Then tonight my mom calls me and tells me a friend of the families is in the ICU and prolly going to die in the next day or two.

I keep getting hit, keep getting up. This was that last hit. I stayed on the ground and just said really. I stopped and said I can't dump anymore on my friends, they've heard me hurt and complain for weeks now. I have to get it together. As all this was going through my head I'm driving and I look over to see one of my best friends driving by. I still feel bad for dumping on my friends, I want to catch a break so I can just stop battling and catch my breath. But bring it on. I've got a God that won't relent. I've got a God that can kick your butt anytime, anywhere. Everytime I fall down my God is the one that gives me the strength to get back up.

Doesn't make things easier but I know that in my weaknesses, He is made strong. At times through this I've felt very weak in myself yet strong in God, at times I've just felt weak. I'm ready for a break but until I get a chance to breath I'll continue to be a warrior.