It's a battle

I think I have high expectations of people and therefore what they do is never good enough for me. I always want one more thing. I get disappointed and hurt but the reasoning seems so stupid. I want somebody to do the little things for me. It's part of this stage of going in 500 hundred different directions when you are use to doing life side by side and seeing each other every day. It's hard letting go and not being able to be there to see if they are really doing okay or if they are just saying so over the phone. It's hard trying to pick up your own pieces and move on.

I like to use the analogy of water in a cup. A cup can hold so much water but when you put an object in the cup it takes up room and if there was enough water in the cup it may overflow. The water in my cup is/was receding but that object still made my cup overflow. I will survive because I always do. I always find a way out but I just want it to be okay that I'm upset. I want to know that it is okay that I'm struggling. I need my reinforcements.

I understand that I've been a wreck for the past two months really. I understand that something got ahold of me and that I can be a lot to handle when that happens. When I feel I feel hard and long. I can't help but feel that everybody is over it. I've lost friends when I fight through my honest feelings. I'm not prepared to lose these guys. It's easier when I do it myself because the only person I let down is me. It sucks but its easier to hold it in. They want the happy go lucky, everybody lean on me it'll be okay, make things happen, fun version of me. And I'm not there yet and it doesn't help feeling like I have to be or otherwise I let them down. BUT I hate when the people around me feel like they can't share their life with me. It's a two way street and I will always care and I will always want to know your life, no matter where I am, physically or emotionally.