old time sake

The ping of the ball hitting the bat, the smack of a ball in a glove, the smell of dirt, the fimilar calls of an umpire or the crowd. I know all these very well. I've been around them all my life. Yes, I work at a baseball field but its different. It's different going to a softball tournament and thinking back to when you were a player instead of just a spectator. This is what I did with my life, I thought of the past and enjoyed how those things use to make me feel. I've found this summer that I dont have a destresser. I don't have anything to clearn my head or calm my heart. I don't have a sounding board, an achor, I'm running in thin air on an empty tank. Today was a day of renewal. As much as today was I came back to the reality of bowling green realizing that all my stresses and all my anxieties were here waiting on me. I've come to realization that I'm good at walking away but im bad at confrontation, I'm bad at hitting things head on. I dont want to do it, I'm slightly afraid of the outcomes, and to be honest I'd rather be the host to the hurt feelings than potentionally hurt anyone else. Not much has changed since high school after all.