thankful

It's been a little over a month since I've been home last. For some that seems normal but for me its not. I think it would be ok except for the fact that I know I'm not going home for another 2.5 weeks, Thanksgiving. I was driving back to my apartment last night and it just hit me. How thankful I should be for what I have and whom I've become. So many things get in the way of my gratefulness. We so often see what we don't have or see what hurts instead of what we should rejoice in. The fact that we have a God that is so merciful and full of grace. Something that we, as humans find it so hard to give. We are not God but trying to live like God is a daily struggle.

I have been worried about what was in my life and how it slowly seems to be disappearing. I've been lost in this state of confusion. I wonder why I do what I do for the people that I do it for. Then I realized that I was raised right. Although my immediate family doesn't have many rags to riches stories my family as a whole does. My mom's parents giving up everything they have, and what little they had to serve in Africa. My dad's parents serving the community around in them in more ways than I know and can explain. God has big plans for me and that scares me. He has big plans for all of us. The thing is that I just want to be half the person my ancestors have been. I want to do what God has in store for me. My prayer is that I can get past my own selfish desires and do what I love, serve. I love seeing the smile that comes from little things in life. However, I hate doing things and then being turned on. However, living a life like Christ that shouldn't bother me. My prayer is that I don't do it for me but for Christ and what that bigger picture is.

I'm thankful that my parents have let me be the person I am. I'm thankful for the hearts I've been raised around. I love my life even though it has some bumps and rocky roads. The friends that are thankful and my family that never quits, and the God that is always forgiving makes everything okay and completely worth it all.