When somebody asks you what your dream is what's your response? For me I haven't had a response lately. I know that I poor my heart and soul into what I'm good at, what I love. I've always been good at giving my all, at going all in. However, lately I find myself tip toeing in the water, not ready to jump right in.
What's next for me? Nashville. Sports. Graduation. Life.
I've been freaking out lately cause my life is moving fast, faster than I expected. It all came at once, 18 hours in a semester, friends leaving, new friends coming, preparing for Nashville, grad school, GRE, I mean whoa. It sent me into a frenzy of what do I do? I'm not ready for a job, I'm not ready for real life so grad school seems like the right choice but what in? Do I tighten my spectrum and stay in sports, do I broaden my horizions and get my MBA? Where do I go? Am I ready? Did I mention that I'm thinking through all that and trying to enjoy my last semester in what I now call home? Crazy, right!
Truth is, today I looked at it from a whole new perspective. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? I've never been able to place myself in a career. I've never been really good at anything. What I love? Sports? yeah. But more than anything I love making a difference, I love seeing that smile when everything else is wrong in the world but just for a second nothing matters but the here and now. It's a beautiful thing, I live for those moments, not in myself but in other people. It makes it worth it. Sure I miss the smell of the dirt on a softbal field or that feeling you get when the buzzer goes off. But even more than that I miss pouring my heart out to somethign that matters.
Most people want to make the big bucks. Most people want to be comfortable. I'm not going to lie, I dont want to live pay check to pay check but I want to make somebody have that smile. You know the little kid smile that everybody has. When life is fun, no stress, no worries, just happiness. Yeah, I know happiness is a mood, not a destination. It comes and goes but I don't know if where I'm headed is the right direction.
I want to make a difference, I'm just not sure how. So whats the next step? Just to wake up and enjoy the day.
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