People ask all the time what's next. I even find myself asking the people I'm going to graduate with, well do you know what's next? I've thought and fought all semester trying to figure out what I should do after May. Yeah, I know its kinda far away, but you have to think ahead if you are considering grad school. I've taken all the necessary steps like take the GRE, get letters of recommendation together, finish school strongly.
Lots of people have listened to me stress about Nashville, stress about whats next, stress about life. It's taken a lot out of me, a lot out of my friendships, and a lot out of my parents. I think God for the people in my life that are patient enough with me to stick through it with me. I've been in a lot of thick lately without even knowing it. I can't say how much all of that means to me. The stand beside me in my funny times, usually pointing and laughing but still claiming me. They stand beside me when I fall to catch me or at least pick me up. In the next step of my life, I know they'll be there no matter what that step is but I have to make the decision.
The problem is, the decision... Nothing really feels right. I toss grad school around and it just doesn't seem right, not yet. I think about a job but what, where. I dont know what I want to do with my life or where I want to be. Take a year off? Not really an option. Missions? Maybe, but again I dont know how much of an option that is. Just keep praying and the answer will show itself, my patience is running out even though I really do have all the time in the world.
What is the future? What does the future hold? I dont know, but I'll find out soon enough. I hope you are around to find out and enjoy it with me!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
What's next
When somebody asks you what your dream is what's your response? For me I haven't had a response lately. I know that I poor my heart and soul into what I'm good at, what I love. I've always been good at giving my all, at going all in. However, lately I find myself tip toeing in the water, not ready to jump right in.
What's next for me? Nashville. Sports. Graduation. Life.
I've been freaking out lately cause my life is moving fast, faster than I expected. It all came at once, 18 hours in a semester, friends leaving, new friends coming, preparing for Nashville, grad school, GRE, I mean whoa. It sent me into a frenzy of what do I do? I'm not ready for a job, I'm not ready for real life so grad school seems like the right choice but what in? Do I tighten my spectrum and stay in sports, do I broaden my horizions and get my MBA? Where do I go? Am I ready? Did I mention that I'm thinking through all that and trying to enjoy my last semester in what I now call home? Crazy, right!
Truth is, today I looked at it from a whole new perspective. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? I've never been able to place myself in a career. I've never been really good at anything. What I love? Sports? yeah. But more than anything I love making a difference, I love seeing that smile when everything else is wrong in the world but just for a second nothing matters but the here and now. It's a beautiful thing, I live for those moments, not in myself but in other people. It makes it worth it. Sure I miss the smell of the dirt on a softbal field or that feeling you get when the buzzer goes off. But even more than that I miss pouring my heart out to somethign that matters.
Most people want to make the big bucks. Most people want to be comfortable. I'm not going to lie, I dont want to live pay check to pay check but I want to make somebody have that smile. You know the little kid smile that everybody has. When life is fun, no stress, no worries, just happiness. Yeah, I know happiness is a mood, not a destination. It comes and goes but I don't know if where I'm headed is the right direction.
I want to make a difference, I'm just not sure how. So whats the next step? Just to wake up and enjoy the day.
What's next for me? Nashville. Sports. Graduation. Life.
I've been freaking out lately cause my life is moving fast, faster than I expected. It all came at once, 18 hours in a semester, friends leaving, new friends coming, preparing for Nashville, grad school, GRE, I mean whoa. It sent me into a frenzy of what do I do? I'm not ready for a job, I'm not ready for real life so grad school seems like the right choice but what in? Do I tighten my spectrum and stay in sports, do I broaden my horizions and get my MBA? Where do I go? Am I ready? Did I mention that I'm thinking through all that and trying to enjoy my last semester in what I now call home? Crazy, right!
Truth is, today I looked at it from a whole new perspective. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? I've never been able to place myself in a career. I've never been really good at anything. What I love? Sports? yeah. But more than anything I love making a difference, I love seeing that smile when everything else is wrong in the world but just for a second nothing matters but the here and now. It's a beautiful thing, I live for those moments, not in myself but in other people. It makes it worth it. Sure I miss the smell of the dirt on a softbal field or that feeling you get when the buzzer goes off. But even more than that I miss pouring my heart out to somethign that matters.
Most people want to make the big bucks. Most people want to be comfortable. I'm not going to lie, I dont want to live pay check to pay check but I want to make somebody have that smile. You know the little kid smile that everybody has. When life is fun, no stress, no worries, just happiness. Yeah, I know happiness is a mood, not a destination. It comes and goes but I don't know if where I'm headed is the right direction.
I want to make a difference, I'm just not sure how. So whats the next step? Just to wake up and enjoy the day.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
it comes and it goes
I have began my senior year of college. It seems like yesterday that I was saying the same thing about high school. My summer is now in the rearview mirror, just a memory but still a strong feeling. I hit a strong emotional patch that is still teaching me constantly. It continually breaks my heart and with every break I come back stronger. A season of difficulty can lead to a season of beauty.
I'm not a big fan of change but not all change is bad. Things are different now but that doesn't mean they are bad. There has always been somebody older to go to, somebody that has been there but now there isn't. I am that person, we are those people. And as much as the "different" seems just that, different, it means that we rely on each other. We always have eachother. We get dirty with each other to find what Christ has in store for our lives. We live together knowing that we aren't perfect, we are flawed, but the beauty of life is that we are forgiven.
God gives us what we need when we need it. He is our provider, our lover, our savior. As he takes away, he gives. He has given me the opportunity to be involved with freshman, with new people on campus. He has given me the opportunity to lead and be there as a person, open, honest, truthful, afraid of no one's judgement but His.
Seasons come and go, people come and go, life comes and goes but God is constant, salvation is forever!
I'm not a big fan of change but not all change is bad. Things are different now but that doesn't mean they are bad. There has always been somebody older to go to, somebody that has been there but now there isn't. I am that person, we are those people. And as much as the "different" seems just that, different, it means that we rely on each other. We always have eachother. We get dirty with each other to find what Christ has in store for our lives. We live together knowing that we aren't perfect, we are flawed, but the beauty of life is that we are forgiven.
God gives us what we need when we need it. He is our provider, our lover, our savior. As he takes away, he gives. He has given me the opportunity to be involved with freshman, with new people on campus. He has given me the opportunity to lead and be there as a person, open, honest, truthful, afraid of no one's judgement but His.
Seasons come and go, people come and go, life comes and goes but God is constant, salvation is forever!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Moving On
Life is a story and every now and then a chapter ends and a new one begins. My current chapter is starting to come to a close. It's kind of scary, stressful, nerve racking, yet exciting and joyous and fun. One of my older friends told me when talking about graduation that you would know when the right time is to move on. I've worried for a while that I would never feel like it was the right time. It is what I have known for the past 4 years and who has made me into the truely independent young adult I am. Plus who really wants to go out into that scarey world, especially by themselves?
I've never known what I wanted to do with my life and to this day I still don't know what my dream job would be. Some days it is to work and plan a summer camp, some days I'd love to be in an office and have a "normal job", and sometimes I would like to do something just completely different from everybody else. I've worked in minor league baseball all summer and in the fall I'll be moving on to somewhere different, something different (TBA). What I have learned in this that I'm ready to move on.
I like to think of being prepared to move on versus just graduating and being thrown into the real world like waking up on your own versus waking up to an alarm clock. Ususally when you wake up on your own you feel more rested and ready to go, kind of like you are on your own time. You make the decision to get out of bed and start the day. When you are prepared to move on you usually know the next step, feel like its on your own time, and have control. Whereas when the alarm clock goes off you are forced to get out of bed and go do whatever you have to do for the day. This is how I compare being thrown into the real world. You are forced into something that you may not be ready for it. You may not like it but you have to do it anyways.
For me I think I finally woke up on my own tonight and found myself ready to move on. I may still be nervous, scared, excited, uneasy, or whatever but I also feel prepared...
I've never known what I wanted to do with my life and to this day I still don't know what my dream job would be. Some days it is to work and plan a summer camp, some days I'd love to be in an office and have a "normal job", and sometimes I would like to do something just completely different from everybody else. I've worked in minor league baseball all summer and in the fall I'll be moving on to somewhere different, something different (TBA). What I have learned in this that I'm ready to move on.
I like to think of being prepared to move on versus just graduating and being thrown into the real world like waking up on your own versus waking up to an alarm clock. Ususally when you wake up on your own you feel more rested and ready to go, kind of like you are on your own time. You make the decision to get out of bed and start the day. When you are prepared to move on you usually know the next step, feel like its on your own time, and have control. Whereas when the alarm clock goes off you are forced to get out of bed and go do whatever you have to do for the day. This is how I compare being thrown into the real world. You are forced into something that you may not be ready for it. You may not like it but you have to do it anyways.
For me I think I finally woke up on my own tonight and found myself ready to move on. I may still be nervous, scared, excited, uneasy, or whatever but I also feel prepared...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
thinking like a child
I'm doing some catch up reading for the summer instead of packing to move to my new apt. I like to put off the things I need to do by doing the things I never do. One of those things is reading. The book im reading right now allows for a lot of the outside the box thinking. One thing that hit me is that if you can explain things to kids than you really understand them. Then again the simpler the terms something is in the easier it is to understand.
I've found that this is true with most things in life. Having dealt with kids a lot in the past couple of years I like thinking and acting like a kid. It causes things to be simpler and easier. Kids usually take things for what they are instead of trying to think them through. We are called to approach God with a childlike faith/attitude. We try so often to out think God and get one step ahead but we never can.
I've found that this is true with most things in life. Having dealt with kids a lot in the past couple of years I like thinking and acting like a kid. It causes things to be simpler and easier. Kids usually take things for what they are instead of trying to think them through. We are called to approach God with a childlike faith/attitude. We try so often to out think God and get one step ahead but we never can.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
slowly but surely
Most people know that I'm stubborn, hard headed, and extremely independent. I'm going to do things on my own time and when I'm ready. I've been this way ever since I was a little kid. I mean there is a picture of me in my crib when I first learned how to pull myself up that says it all. Now 21 years old why should anything be any different? It make take me a while but eventually I come around and get my head on straight. Lots has happened this summer and I may not be exactly where I need to be but I'm finally feeling like there is an upswing. Here are some of my personal realizations I've made if not the past few days, ive realized them this summer.
1) When times get tough it becomes tough to know who to depend on to be there. I've learned that God will always be there, yeah its a reoccuring lesson but sometimes it needs to be reinforced.
2) I've relyed on people or materalistic things to get me through when really the only thing that will is Christ.
3) It's okay to be upset and mad at God as long as you don't deny the truth that He sent His one and only son to die for you and your screw ups.
4)The hard things in life come to make us stronger, without them where would we be? how would we learn? how would we grow?
5)I need to stop thinking that people are going to leave, I've really found solid friends that are going to be there no matter what.
6) No matter how fast we try to run from God, He will always be there. The famous saying you can run but you can't hide doesn't apply to Him.
7)I've decided that I try and do too much instead of listening but really letting God have control over it all. I'm a fixer and a doer but really I can't fix or do anything, it's all God.
8)As humans we have a tendency to listen tell people what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
9)I've learned that we don't always push people towards Christ like we should, we tend to just let people say what they want.
10) I personally feel like we don't say or show people love enough. So much of the time all someone needs to hear is I love you followed by a hug. People seem to busy to stop and make sure that the people they truely care about feel loved and cared about.
Some of these have to do with what I have been going through lately. Some have to do with dealing with the death of multiple people I've known this summer, some have to do with friendships and people moving on, some have to do with the disappointments I've met this summer. All of them in one way or another deal with the ups and downs of christianity and that as a 21 year old college student striving to be a christian in the midst of lifes curveballs.
God will never leave you or forsake you. My God is just that MY GOD. the last sermon I listened to of my grandfather's is psalm 23. In it He talks about how God is after you. He will put all the sheep away and go searching for the lost the sheep. To be honest I've felt like the last sheep lately. However, I had my wake up call a couple of days ago. It may take me awhile but I catch on eventually. The walk up the mountain isn't always easy but I know I'll be stronger for it.
1) When times get tough it becomes tough to know who to depend on to be there. I've learned that God will always be there, yeah its a reoccuring lesson but sometimes it needs to be reinforced.
2) I've relyed on people or materalistic things to get me through when really the only thing that will is Christ.
3) It's okay to be upset and mad at God as long as you don't deny the truth that He sent His one and only son to die for you and your screw ups.
4)The hard things in life come to make us stronger, without them where would we be? how would we learn? how would we grow?
5)I need to stop thinking that people are going to leave, I've really found solid friends that are going to be there no matter what.
6) No matter how fast we try to run from God, He will always be there. The famous saying you can run but you can't hide doesn't apply to Him.
7)I've decided that I try and do too much instead of listening but really letting God have control over it all. I'm a fixer and a doer but really I can't fix or do anything, it's all God.
8)As humans we have a tendency to listen tell people what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
9)I've learned that we don't always push people towards Christ like we should, we tend to just let people say what they want.
10) I personally feel like we don't say or show people love enough. So much of the time all someone needs to hear is I love you followed by a hug. People seem to busy to stop and make sure that the people they truely care about feel loved and cared about.
Some of these have to do with what I have been going through lately. Some have to do with dealing with the death of multiple people I've known this summer, some have to do with friendships and people moving on, some have to do with the disappointments I've met this summer. All of them in one way or another deal with the ups and downs of christianity and that as a 21 year old college student striving to be a christian in the midst of lifes curveballs.
God will never leave you or forsake you. My God is just that MY GOD. the last sermon I listened to of my grandfather's is psalm 23. In it He talks about how God is after you. He will put all the sheep away and go searching for the lost the sheep. To be honest I've felt like the last sheep lately. However, I had my wake up call a couple of days ago. It may take me awhile but I catch on eventually. The walk up the mountain isn't always easy but I know I'll be stronger for it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
God's sending
I've found that God has a funny way of sending people into your life. He provides the people you need at the times you need them. There are 5 people that I spent all summer with last summer that helped me in ways I can't say. We live around the country and still stay in contact. God has sent me many great friends at western that I don't know what I would do without them.
Sometimes God sends people into your life for a season, sometimes a lifetime. I've found that when I say good bye to people who lose their lives it's difficult but I know nothing bad can happen to them anymore. There is no hurt, no suffer. Sometimes I don't understand why lives are taken so early but I know that it is God's planning. Sometimes I don't understand why He allows people to suffer through the end of their lives but again it is all in God's planning.
However, when you think a friendship that will last a lifetime begins to come to an end of a season you ask why. You find that it is much harder to let go. I think back to some of my seasonal friendships and find that there is a spot that still loves them and cares for them. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I have to trust in God and know that everything in this crazy human life of ours is in his planning and that he will countine to send people in your life.
Sometimes God sends people into your life for a season, sometimes a lifetime. I've found that when I say good bye to people who lose their lives it's difficult but I know nothing bad can happen to them anymore. There is no hurt, no suffer. Sometimes I don't understand why lives are taken so early but I know that it is God's planning. Sometimes I don't understand why He allows people to suffer through the end of their lives but again it is all in God's planning.
However, when you think a friendship that will last a lifetime begins to come to an end of a season you ask why. You find that it is much harder to let go. I think back to some of my seasonal friendships and find that there is a spot that still loves them and cares for them. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I have to trust in God and know that everything in this crazy human life of ours is in his planning and that he will countine to send people in your life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)