I've been doing this Christmas thing for 20 years now. For many of those years I've looked at the tree and thought how beautiful it is. When Christmas morning rolls around santa comes and there are presents under the tree and its all about what you got. WE don't take time to realize what we really got, JESUS. We are truely blessed with something greater than any materalistic thing that is under the tree that we will use or wear for a year or so and throw out. However, we were blessed with something that will always be there from the beginning until the end.
This season take time to look at your families and appreciate what they've done, appreciate who they are. Take the time to spend with them and love on each other. More than anything remind each other what the real reason is for the season, that Christ is born.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
nothing less than random
I'm home, finally home. I can spend the day doing whatever and not worry about what test, paper, or project I have due when I get back to school. I'm finally relaxing and not worrying about whats tomorrow. Sure, I still have lots to do for my trip or next semester. I have lots of decisions to make before I get too far into next semester but for now I'm enjoying being home for the holidays. I'm enjoying where I come from and how I am the person I am.
Being home I've realized that I've become more like my parents than I ever wanted especially like my dad. I make the corny jokes, enjoy going to the movies, or looking for my next trip before I take the one planned. I've been taught to do my best and make the most of my life. I've been taught to enjoy the little things like making burbon balls with my mom, and coming up with crazy ideas that make no sense to anybody but myself. I'm having fun, and loving life, something I haven't done that much this semester.
This semester I became the kid that got their head on straight. I picked a major and went full steam ahead. I found several opportunities for internships, attempted getting a couple of jobs, turned in hang out time for volunteer time. I built my resume and yeah it might pay off but I've missed the part of me that can kick back and be the goof ball. I miss being the kid that has an idea and goes with it while everybody else stands by and says, great here we go again or hey sara, this really isn't a good idea while they hold the camera. We all know that nothing is going to stop me once I have my mind set on something and thats the way I've been with my major. Thats the way I plan to be with my new goals for the spring semester. However, I also plan on taking my time at home and abroad to rediscover the inner-child in me.
Being home I've realized that I've become more like my parents than I ever wanted especially like my dad. I make the corny jokes, enjoy going to the movies, or looking for my next trip before I take the one planned. I've been taught to do my best and make the most of my life. I've been taught to enjoy the little things like making burbon balls with my mom, and coming up with crazy ideas that make no sense to anybody but myself. I'm having fun, and loving life, something I haven't done that much this semester.
This semester I became the kid that got their head on straight. I picked a major and went full steam ahead. I found several opportunities for internships, attempted getting a couple of jobs, turned in hang out time for volunteer time. I built my resume and yeah it might pay off but I've missed the part of me that can kick back and be the goof ball. I miss being the kid that has an idea and goes with it while everybody else stands by and says, great here we go again or hey sara, this really isn't a good idea while they hold the camera. We all know that nothing is going to stop me once I have my mind set on something and thats the way I've been with my major. Thats the way I plan to be with my new goals for the spring semester. However, I also plan on taking my time at home and abroad to rediscover the inner-child in me.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My Haibt is God
Lately all of the wrong things have been on the do to list. They have taken top priority and God is only let in when their is time. Naturally when this happens to me everything seems to go wrong. My struggles become harder to deny. My selfish and jealous feelings set in. School usually becomes a top focus especially to drown everything out. This semester it has been really easy to fill those blind spots with things that are coming in my near future like an internship or just volunteer work. I love what I do but nothing seems right without Christ at the center of it. When I was home everything felt out of sync. I've been more worried about the news I found out this summer than ever. Part of me thinks that I'm finally coming to terms with it but a bigger part of just says that I'm not fully trusting God. I know all the answers when people ask whats up or even when I talk about this, the habit is living what I know out. God will take care of me but sometimes I just need people to listen and love on me, just what we as brothers and sisters in christ are called to do.
It takes 21 days to make a habit. I'm making a life changing habit. That habit being God. Whether that is being in His word daily, praying for everything, noticing my sins and asking God for forgiveness immediately, asking Him to better me, finding ways to worship Him because this is all for Him. I know He has great plans for me as long as I trust in Him. This is me attempting as an imperfect human being to live my life fully for something greater than me, GOD.
The more I put God at the center of my life, the more everything else just falls into place.
Pray for each other, support eachother, love each other.... but more than anything make sure that the center of it all is God.
My challenge to you is to join me in making God your habit.
It takes 21 days to make a habit. I'm making a life changing habit. That habit being God. Whether that is being in His word daily, praying for everything, noticing my sins and asking God for forgiveness immediately, asking Him to better me, finding ways to worship Him because this is all for Him. I know He has great plans for me as long as I trust in Him. This is me attempting as an imperfect human being to live my life fully for something greater than me, GOD.
The more I put God at the center of my life, the more everything else just falls into place.
Pray for each other, support eachother, love each other.... but more than anything make sure that the center of it all is God.
My challenge to you is to join me in making God your habit.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Grace like rain
This summer the biggest thing that has stuck with me isn't the kids, not the sports, not the songs, it's one story. I've heard it all my life but for some reason this summer stuck it in my head. Its the one about the armor of God. We talk about how we need all of the pieces to be soliders ready to go into battle. Without just one peice of the armor it is not safe for us to go into battle. If I were to go into battle today, I would end up wounded. Not dead, just wounded.
I say not dead because with God I get all eternity. I was asked today but a stranger if I died today if I knew where I was going and I answered yes, Heaven. He asked why and I answered with john 3:16. We always forget about what john 3:17 says. He doesn't want to condemn us he wants to save us. He forgives us when we screw up and we all do. God is good, God is all good all the time. No matter what we are going through and as much as we reject Him he is always there. Sometimes He is there and we love it, sometimes He's like the fly we swat at for hours but can truely never get rid of.
I feel selfish and I feel like I have not accomplished what I have wanted to accomplish. I'm not talking about building the resume. I'm not talking about pleasing others. I'm talking about pleaseing God. I feel like I could have done so much and now I'm trying to make up for it. I want to be like my grandfather who gave everything he has to make something better for other people while sharing the love of Christ. I find myself doing all these to make me into somebody but I should consider myself nothing and God everything. My job is to serve others no matter the capacity. I've been frusterated, I've been mad, I've been upset. Indirectly at God, directly with myself. I've done everything but blame myself for my failures, but from my failures I rise above and become better. I learn to use the gifts God gave me to reach a place that does not know him. I've let nobody down except myself with full knowledge that I can be better than what I am now, just a college student going through the motions.
Hear my prayer:
God make me into somebody that serves unconditionally. Let this not be my life but take my soul and make this a life pleasing to you. Live in me, live through me. Use me as a living sacrifice. Let me make no excuse. Let me stumbles become building blocks. Let the sunrise remind me of your beauty. Let the sunset remind me that your are powerful. You are almighty and nothing is better than basking in your Glory. Find me on my knees broken and hopeless without you. I may not understand, I may not agree, but you, God, you know whats right for me.
I say not dead because with God I get all eternity. I was asked today but a stranger if I died today if I knew where I was going and I answered yes, Heaven. He asked why and I answered with john 3:16. We always forget about what john 3:17 says. He doesn't want to condemn us he wants to save us. He forgives us when we screw up and we all do. God is good, God is all good all the time. No matter what we are going through and as much as we reject Him he is always there. Sometimes He is there and we love it, sometimes He's like the fly we swat at for hours but can truely never get rid of.
I feel selfish and I feel like I have not accomplished what I have wanted to accomplish. I'm not talking about building the resume. I'm not talking about pleasing others. I'm talking about pleaseing God. I feel like I could have done so much and now I'm trying to make up for it. I want to be like my grandfather who gave everything he has to make something better for other people while sharing the love of Christ. I find myself doing all these to make me into somebody but I should consider myself nothing and God everything. My job is to serve others no matter the capacity. I've been frusterated, I've been mad, I've been upset. Indirectly at God, directly with myself. I've done everything but blame myself for my failures, but from my failures I rise above and become better. I learn to use the gifts God gave me to reach a place that does not know him. I've let nobody down except myself with full knowledge that I can be better than what I am now, just a college student going through the motions.
Hear my prayer:
God make me into somebody that serves unconditionally. Let this not be my life but take my soul and make this a life pleasing to you. Live in me, live through me. Use me as a living sacrifice. Let me make no excuse. Let me stumbles become building blocks. Let the sunrise remind me of your beauty. Let the sunset remind me that your are powerful. You are almighty and nothing is better than basking in your Glory. Find me on my knees broken and hopeless without you. I may not understand, I may not agree, but you, God, you know whats right for me.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
getting ahead of the game
I kind of feel like a fish out of water or a person just in over their head. Which ever one you prefer. I feel like if one thing isn't bothering me it's something else. When school slows down for just a second I flashback to whats at home and how I haven't seen it in over a month. I think how much my family needs me and how much I need them. I feel like I'm not doing enough and that I'm just away enjoying my life. Truth is I want to be home, I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I can't wait to be surrounded with those I love and that love me unconditionally. I can't wait to see the smiles, I can't wait to hear the pain, and have even more of a reason to celebrate that we can get through it together. The memories that wait with cleaning out a house that sits empty but full of stuff and memories. The hardest part is that I'm leaving my childhood and growing up to an adult.
For years I've never known what I want to do. I know that I want to be in the sports arena. I've picked a place that can get me there and it feels so right. It also scares me to death. Every where I go I here about long hours and all the work you have to put in. As I get older things that never popped into my head are starting to make an appearance. The fact that if I end up in this arena am I going to be able to have a family? Will I be able to enjoy the holidays with my friends and family or will I be forced to be at work? With everything else accounted for who says I can even have a family? Knowing that God has a plan for me doesn't settle my heart. The fear of the unknown is scary. Knowing the something is so right but not completely trusting it makes it feel so wrong.
So much is running through my head. Who is going to be around in a couple of years? What am I going to be doing? Who will I be? Am I making all the right moves and choices right now or am I looking out too much for me? My mind doesn't stop. If its not school or my friends or how to make up for the mistakes I've made its the future, its the problems I can't fix. I know I'm getting ahead of the game. I know these are questions that God already has the answers to but at the same time my heart is burrdened, hurt, and worst of all fearful.
For years I've never known what I want to do. I know that I want to be in the sports arena. I've picked a place that can get me there and it feels so right. It also scares me to death. Every where I go I here about long hours and all the work you have to put in. As I get older things that never popped into my head are starting to make an appearance. The fact that if I end up in this arena am I going to be able to have a family? Will I be able to enjoy the holidays with my friends and family or will I be forced to be at work? With everything else accounted for who says I can even have a family? Knowing that God has a plan for me doesn't settle my heart. The fear of the unknown is scary. Knowing the something is so right but not completely trusting it makes it feel so wrong.
So much is running through my head. Who is going to be around in a couple of years? What am I going to be doing? Who will I be? Am I making all the right moves and choices right now or am I looking out too much for me? My mind doesn't stop. If its not school or my friends or how to make up for the mistakes I've made its the future, its the problems I can't fix. I know I'm getting ahead of the game. I know these are questions that God already has the answers to but at the same time my heart is burrdened, hurt, and worst of all fearful.
Monday, November 9, 2009
finding what matters
AFter this summer I was high on life, high on God, and did want to do anything but glorify his kingdom. Nothing else made sense. I didn't understand why other people didn't see that and why this reality of not living every second for him was acceptable. Its called reality, where we get caught up in the things that don't matter. Those things like school, job, money, sometimes even people, or the materalistic things that don't matter. We get hurt, we question why things happen and why people do the things they do. We call people out without knowing the circumstances. We see our brothers and sisters struggling but are too scared to care. We are too worried and too caught up in our own world to see into somebody elses.
I cared about other people this summer. I care about other people now. My God is still the same God. However, I've come down from this high and am looking for the person that loved harder than I could imagine, that served according to the Word and the Word alone, that lived for the smile of an innocent child, and feared God. I'm looking for the things that matter, the people, the lost, the hurt, I'm looking to go Beyond Infinity and into the world. The hardest part is finding not who you were but you want to be.
I cared about other people this summer. I care about other people now. My God is still the same God. However, I've come down from this high and am looking for the person that loved harder than I could imagine, that served according to the Word and the Word alone, that lived for the smile of an innocent child, and feared God. I'm looking for the things that matter, the people, the lost, the hurt, I'm looking to go Beyond Infinity and into the world. The hardest part is finding not who you were but you want to be.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
thankful
It's been a little over a month since I've been home last. For some that seems normal but for me its not. I think it would be ok except for the fact that I know I'm not going home for another 2.5 weeks, Thanksgiving. I was driving back to my apartment last night and it just hit me. How thankful I should be for what I have and whom I've become. So many things get in the way of my gratefulness. We so often see what we don't have or see what hurts instead of what we should rejoice in. The fact that we have a God that is so merciful and full of grace. Something that we, as humans find it so hard to give. We are not God but trying to live like God is a daily struggle.
I have been worried about what was in my life and how it slowly seems to be disappearing. I've been lost in this state of confusion. I wonder why I do what I do for the people that I do it for. Then I realized that I was raised right. Although my immediate family doesn't have many rags to riches stories my family as a whole does. My mom's parents giving up everything they have, and what little they had to serve in Africa. My dad's parents serving the community around in them in more ways than I know and can explain. God has big plans for me and that scares me. He has big plans for all of us. The thing is that I just want to be half the person my ancestors have been. I want to do what God has in store for me. My prayer is that I can get past my own selfish desires and do what I love, serve. I love seeing the smile that comes from little things in life. However, I hate doing things and then being turned on. However, living a life like Christ that shouldn't bother me. My prayer is that I don't do it for me but for Christ and what that bigger picture is.
I'm thankful that my parents have let me be the person I am. I'm thankful for the hearts I've been raised around. I love my life even though it has some bumps and rocky roads. The friends that are thankful and my family that never quits, and the God that is always forgiving makes everything okay and completely worth it all.
I have been worried about what was in my life and how it slowly seems to be disappearing. I've been lost in this state of confusion. I wonder why I do what I do for the people that I do it for. Then I realized that I was raised right. Although my immediate family doesn't have many rags to riches stories my family as a whole does. My mom's parents giving up everything they have, and what little they had to serve in Africa. My dad's parents serving the community around in them in more ways than I know and can explain. God has big plans for me and that scares me. He has big plans for all of us. The thing is that I just want to be half the person my ancestors have been. I want to do what God has in store for me. My prayer is that I can get past my own selfish desires and do what I love, serve. I love seeing the smile that comes from little things in life. However, I hate doing things and then being turned on. However, living a life like Christ that shouldn't bother me. My prayer is that I don't do it for me but for Christ and what that bigger picture is.
I'm thankful that my parents have let me be the person I am. I'm thankful for the hearts I've been raised around. I love my life even though it has some bumps and rocky roads. The friends that are thankful and my family that never quits, and the God that is always forgiving makes everything okay and completely worth it all.
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